6 little habits you’re doing that hold you back from success, according to psychology (2024)

“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems,” says James Clear in his bestselling book Atomic Habits.

Your habits form the very basis of who you are and where you will go in life.

Ultimately, it isn’t the big tectonic shifts that make a difference; it’s the little actions you take on a daily basis.

And here are the 6 little habits you’re doing that hold you back from success.

1) You’re letting your environment rule your behavior

One of the main messages I’ve taken away from Clear’s Atomic Habits is that the process of building healthy habits is less about discipline or self-control and more about hacking your brain into cooperating.

And what do I mean by that?

Well, the human brain is designed to choose the path of the least resistance. If something’s comfortable, it means it’s safe, ensuring your survival.

Stepping outside your comfort zone, on the other hand…

Boy, is it scary! There are so many dangers you could accidentally stumble upon, after all. Why not just remain where you are, safe and comfy?

This is what we’re working with here, my friend: a brain that chooses the most convenient available option at its disposal.

Our job is to make it as easy as possible to choose well.

And designing your environment for success plays a crucial role in that.

If you place your yoga mat in the middle of the bedroom before you go to bed, you’re more likely to do yoga in the morning.

If you hide your TV remote control in the drawer, you’re making it a tiny bit harder for yourself to turn the TV on, which may prompt you to finally read that book sitting on your coffee table.

See what I mean?

Look around you. Think about whether your environment motivates you to be successful or if it’s holding you back.

2) You’re actively making yourself feel worse when you’re down

Have you ever heard the Buddhist story about two arrows?

Psychologist Beth Kurland, Ph.D., summarizes it thus:

“In this story the Buddha is asked about a person’s response to being struck by a first arrow and a second arrow. The Buddha explains that the first arrow represents the things in life that we cannot control. This first arrow is naturally painful, and inevitable. But the second arrow is our reaction to the difficult event, and the suffering caused by this second arrow is optional.”

Obviously, the key here is not to let the second arrow rattle you. It’s to take charge of your response to external circ*mstances and to make the best out of a bad deal.

Unfortunately, many people do the exact opposite: when they feel down about something, they order take-out, binge-watch a TV show, or pick a fight with someone, all of which ultimately makes them feel even more rubbish.

This isn’t to say you should never watch TV or eat fast food, of course. But my point is that doing things that you *know* will make you feel bad when you’re already feeling down is not a very smart strategy.

Success is all about overcoming obstacles, maintaining an optimistic outlook on life, and looking after your mental well-being in the best way you know how.

The next time you feel like cheering yourself up with something that will definitely not help, think again.

3) You’re pursuing externally motivated goals

If you’ve dabbled in psychology before, you probably know that motivation is either external or internal.

In other words, you’re either motivated by external rewards (such as getting a promotion in order to make your parents proud) or internal drive (such as getting a promotion because you genuinely want to get better at what you do).

Internally motivated goals are naturally better and more sustainable, but that doesn’t mean all external goals are bad. It’s just a matter of balance.

Every goal, no matter how fulfilling or enjoyable, comes with tasks that you’d rather skip. And when it’s time to complete those tasks, it’s okay to motivate yourself externally in order to get it all done.

But the very core of what you do – be it your job, your volunteering work, or the side hustle you’re trying to turn into a full-time business – should be internally aligned with your values and your mission in life.

If your daily life revolves around externally motivated tasks and almost no internal drive, it means you need more habits that are in sync with your authentic sense of self.

4) You’re always choosing comfort over challenge

As we’ve already established, our brains are wired to seek comfort.

Therefore, it’s no surprise that all you want to do when you come home from work is to crash on the sofa and play games or watch Netflix.

Unfortunately, these habits are also at the core of all your misery and stagnation. And that’s because you never challenge yourself. You never go outside your comfort zone. You never do things that make you feel truly satisfied with yourself.

My friend has a very effective rule: when she comes home from work, she’s not allowed to sit down and chill until she’s completed all the tasks and projects she’s assigned to herself, from cooking a nutritious meal to tidying her bedroom, working on her side hustle, or reading a self-development book.

It’s a common misconception that a little bit of rest on the sofa will recharge you enough to get more stuff done before bed.

But as you very well know, that rarely happens. The moment you sit down, it’s over – all your energy runs out as if you were a popped balloon.

Keep the momentum going. Then take a well-deserved rest.

5) You’re not resting properly

Okay, this may sound completely contradictory to what I’ve just said, but hear me out.

Taking a break is incredibly important. In fact, I consider it to be one of the most productive things you can do because it allows you to recharge so that you can perform at your best the next day.

But the manner in which you rest determines how effective that break is.

Watching TV or playing a video game for six hours straight? Not very restful.

Doing the same thing for an hour? Restful.

Scrolling on social media for three hours right before you fall asleep? Not restful.

Taking a fifteen-minute scrolling break after an exhausting activity? Restful.

See? It’s all about balance.

Furthermore, psychiatrist Samantha Boardman M.D. says that there are six vital components of taking a restful break:

Detach: Distance yourself from negative and stressful thoughts
Relax: Take time to chill out and get away from the task at hand
Decide: Be deliberate about how you spend your time
Expand: Stretch your mind or body
Add Value: Do something that is personally meaningful
Connect: Engage deeply with others

For example, you could go for a walk with a friend, read a book that expands your imagination, or play with your dog, all of which are much more recharging than doom-scrolling or gaming until 2 AM.

6) You’re forcing yourself to be someone you’re not

All those little habits you’ve been trying and failing to incorporate into your routine for months or years on end?

Throw them in the bin.

If something hasn’t worked for you for quite some time, chances are that it’s not suddenly going to work now.

Don’t worry, you can still achieve the same goal. You might just need to rethink how you’ll go about it.

Let’s say you really want to wake up at 5 AM, but no matter how hard you’ve tried to accomplish this in the past few years, you’re still failing, and what’s more, you’re easily tired throughout the day.

Here’s a question for you.

Why? Why do you want to get up so early?

If getting up at 5 AM is your way to try to be more productive and carve out more time for yourself in your schedule, is there another way you can achieve the same goal?

If you’re a night owl, for instance, could you stay awake for a tiny bit longer and work on those tasks in the evening? Or could you do it during your lunch break? Or every Saturday?

The options are numerous.

Instead of trying to be someone you’re not, find habits that work for you.

Remember: productivity is meant to serve you, not the other way around.